I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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