I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
