well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
