Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
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