i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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