at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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