I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
