Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
