I think I died a long time ago.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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