but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
