Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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