She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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