Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Randomize
