we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
