dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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