I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
a search helicopter?!
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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