I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I still have a little drunk in my system
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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