Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i dont even know how to be here
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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