Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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