I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
