Little spoons don't ask big questions
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize