I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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