people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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