I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
