I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
