You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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