I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
