I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
