i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
