so explain again why im purple
no
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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