those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
