i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
