Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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