Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
