my phone needs a breathalizer
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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