She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize