Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
