alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
