these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My ass is underappreciated
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
