i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
