Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
