don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
