i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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