This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
