tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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