I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
