Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
