I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
