Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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