dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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