I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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