Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
