He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
