Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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