Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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