How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
