If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
