Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
