If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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