There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
