Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
