hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
