who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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