called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
