So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
