Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize