cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
