Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
My vagina just recognized that song.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
