So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
