she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
