Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
