I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
