420 ftw
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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